Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
