Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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