i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
