Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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