just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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