I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
