Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
