brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
