And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
