TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
