How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
