Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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