i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
