i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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