i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
