Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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