yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
