My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
