Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
