Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
