yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
