Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
