Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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