So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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