can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
