Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
