Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
