So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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