i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
