I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
