it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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