I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ok first of all what the fuck
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
