I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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