have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ttyl tear gas
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
