If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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