You're completely useless in the revolution.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
