Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
