so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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