There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
