I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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