The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
