i just google imaged poop.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
