Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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