My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
