in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
