Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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