I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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