Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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