wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
