Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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